Everything You Need to Know About Selling Your Panties on the Internet

Ladies. Did you know that there is an inexhaustible resource that is manufactured naturally right in your home, at no cost to you, for which men would be willing to pay you tons and tons of cold hard money-dollars today? It's true! It's called CROTCH GUNK. And you are literally flushing money down the drain every time… » 4/23/14 4:25pm Today 4:25pm

Alicia Silverstone's Nutty New Parenting Book Is Anti-Vax, Anti-Diaper

I want to say, first of all, that I love Alicia Silverstone so much to death and I always will, and just thinking about her little Cher Horowitz face makes me feel as though an eternal golden summer is reigning in my heart. That said, some of the parenting advice she dispenses in her new book The Kind Mama: A Simple… » 4/23/14 12:20pm Today 12:20pm

Gwyneth Files Restraining Order After Creep Lies His Way into Her Home

Uuuuuugh, celebrity life is such a nightmare. All nightmares all the time. I mean, I know it's "worth it" because you get to use Richard Branson's outdoor shower and take unlimited naps probably and also you can use one of those gas station ATMs with the extra fee and not give a fuck. But UGH. Because creeps are always… » 4/22/14 8:15pm Yesterday 8:15pm

Lululemon Investors Blame Financial Woes on CEO's 'Dumpy' Body

Good to know that it isn't just Lululemon's customer base that's subject to snide fat-shaming and goofball body standards—it's also their leader! According to some intrepid New York Post reporting, multiple Lululemon shareholders are very concerned about CEO Laurent Potdevin's business acumen. And by that they mean his … » 4/22/14 3:30pm Yesterday 3:30pm

Drop Everything and Listen to Corey Feldman's New Single

Oh man, Corey Feldman. Okay. Corey. Okay, man. Sooooooo, Corey Feldman has a new single! It's called "Mercy," and it features Brandon Howard—the guy who claims to maybe be Michael Jackson's secret son, but also maybe not, and also it doesn't matter either way because he's just a man trying to make his way in the… » 4/21/14 8:00pm Monday 8:00pm

This Milk Commercial Is the Most Pornographic Jizz-Fest I've Ever Seen

So, I was just bopping through my typical morning routine today, hate-reading the Daily Mail and watching Corey Feldman interviews on YouTube (yikes, don't hold back, Wendy Williams!), when an auto-play pop-up ad overwhelmed my screen. It was a commercial for milk—part of their new campaign, "Milk Life"—encouraging… » 4/21/14 4:30pm Monday 4:30pm

Captain Underpants Gets More Calls for Censorship Than Fifty Shades

The ALA revealed its top five most challenged books of 2013 and, somewhat surprisingly, lines like "suck me, baby" and "my inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves" weren't enough to nab "mommy porn" staple Fifty Shades of Grey the #1 spot. Instead, Anastasia and Christian are languishing down at #4… » 4/16/14 10:00am 4/16/14 10:00am

It's Official: Maya Rudolph's Variety Show Has an Airdate!

Ooooooooooohhhhhhh, ooh ooh ooh, Maya Rudolph's variety show is happening—let me be on it! Let me be on it!! Pick me! I have 13 years of girlchoir experience, I kind of remember the choreography to "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy," and I can sing every word of Tom Lehrer's The Elements WHILE DRUNK. (Especially while drunk.)… » 4/15/14 8:00pm 4/15/14 8:00pm

'World's Toughest Job' Viral Video Is Obvious, Manipulative and Stupid

At this point, if anyone on the internet tells me that a video is going to "blow my mind," or that I need to "wait for it," or that I should prepare to "change the way I think," I immediately want to run an ultra-marathon down an abandoned mine shaft and into the earth's molten core. I despise a "big reveal." How dare a… » 4/15/14 4:00pm 4/15/14 4:00pm

Ice Cube Says He Was 'Robbed' by Paul Walker at the MTV Movie Awards

Alas, MTV hath done Ice Cube a great disservice. Mr. Cube believes that he and Kevin Hart should have won "Best Onscreen Duo" at last night's MTV Movie Awards for their work in Ride Along, which is a movie about two guys and one of them is worried and the other one has a car. But instead, Cube and Hart were cruelly… » 4/14/14 8:00pm 4/14/14 8:00pm

Yes, You CAN Take Creepy Photos of Women in Public, But Please Don't

The Facebook group "Women Eating on Tubes" (which encourages members to post candid, nonconsensual photos of the eponymous activity) might be a gentler, less sexually aggressive cousin of Creepshots, but it occupies the same ethical quicksand. Yes, it is technically legal to photograph women without their consent, no, I… » 4/12/14 5:00pm 4/12/14 5:00pm

Dean McDermott Admits to Cheating, Tori Says It's 'Never Enough Sex'

As I've mentioned before, I have an intense and irrational attachment to the marriage of Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott, based on one flu-riddled binge-watch of Tori and Dean: Inn Love. So I have very complicated feelings about Dean admitting (on camera, on the pair's upcoming reality series True Tori) that he… » 4/11/14 8:00pm 4/11/14 8:00pm

Moms of the World, Despair!!! Coldwater Creek Is Going Out of Business

You guys. If ever there were a time to stock up on boxy boucle one-button cardigans and a shoe that's kind of a clog but kind of a sneaker with an appliqued daisy on the toe-box, THAT TIME IS NOW. Because Coldwater Creek, the indefatigable catalog staple of moms everywhere, is officially going out of business. » 4/11/14 5:45pm 4/11/14 5:45pm

Did Ben Savage Get a Nose Job to Make His Nose Long and Pointy!?

As we gird our collective loins for the television event of the century—the premiere of Girl Meets World, OBVIOUSLEH—it's important to tackle the tough questions. Questions like, "Will there be Shawn?" and "Will there be Eric?" and "Will there be Feeny?" and "Wait, DID BEN SAVAGE GET A MOTHERFUCKING NOSE JOB!?!?!" The last Q… » 4/10/14 8:00pm 4/10/14 8:00pm

It Isn't Jim Bob Who Keeps Impregnating Mrs. Duggar--It's CAPITALISM

And so it begins. Duggars: TNG. The first of the Duggar girls—Jill, 22—is engaged to be married and says she plans to follow in her parents' footsteps, "popping out" kids until God decides she's had enough. Oh, and also she and her husband are waiting until their wedding for their first kiss—which is neither here nor… » 4/10/14 6:15pm 4/10/14 6:15pm

In Battle of the Sexes, All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Is the Great Equalizer

It's not easy being a man in the modern American matriarchy! Always being forced to buy all the dinners and win all the bread and dominate all the high-paying jobs and respect all the bodily autonomy. UNFAIR, RIGHT? Sometimes it feels like what happened to equality, you know!? What do men have left to live for, even?… » 4/10/14 5:15pm 4/10/14 5:15pm